I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
