If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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