I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
