We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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