Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize