so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
