i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
