you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
