Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
