he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize