Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she woke up with a sticky ear
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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