My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
