You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
