I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
