yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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