i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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