so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
