my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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