You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
