SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Rumble strips road head = magical
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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