i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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