Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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