So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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