When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
