My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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