you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
