oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
