I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
