Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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