he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Randomize
