I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
