When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
