I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
