I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
