Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
