if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
