I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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