I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
