he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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