TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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