not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
