i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
