so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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