textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
50% drunk capacity currently
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
