sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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