**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is Oprah even human
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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