He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think pants incapable of making pants work
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
