Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
