Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And then he peed in my hair
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