yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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