never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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