your parents love me but you hate me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
