dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
