my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
