I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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