I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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