I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
