Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
