How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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