i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
