New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
