I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
