i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
