I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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