Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
