I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
