After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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