The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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