Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im holly from the hills drunk
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
