We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
